I suppose this kinda follows up with my last blog a little. I wish I could be one of those people that didn't let other people bother them. You know, the kind that don't care what other people think.
But....I am SO that person who cares what others think. I'm not sure if I would consider myself a people-pleaser, per se. But, I do want people to like me. (Does that make me a people-pleasee?) Or, at least, to explain to me why they don't like me.
It's hard for me when someone starts behaving differently towards me and clearly has an issue with me, but doesn't state why. Even when asked. It drives me nuts. I wish I could just let it go. But, I can't. So instead, I stew and wonder and stew and wonder and analyze and question and hypothesize reasons:
Did I say something to offend them?
Did I not include them in something they think they should've been included in?
Did one of my children do something to annoy them?
Do they not like how I parent?
Do they not like how I dress?
Do they not like how I talk?
Do they think I talk too much?
Do they not like what I talk about?
Do they think they're better than me?
Do I come across that I'm better than them?
Do they have a friend that doesn't like me so they decide that's reason enough?
Did they hear something about me that makes them not like me?
Do they not like my friends and therefore, not me?
Do they just not like me for no reason?
Can you say over-thinking? That's just a ramble off the top of my head too. I wish I didn't care. I wish when people suddenly started ignoring me or stopped talking to me as much or stopped inviting me to whatever or unfriended me on damn facebook that it didn't bother me. I wish I could let it roll of my back. But, I can't and I don't.
Why can't people just tell it like it is? Why can't they be upfront? When a question is asked, be a grown-up and be honest with your response.
Yes, I'm that insecure. It's pathetic.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Why does life feel like High School?
Do you ever get that feeling that you've never really left High School?
I have these moments where I look around and realize that I'm still surrounded by cliques and people are still petty. It's the little things.
I was in the locker room at the gym the other day and there was no one there besides my friend and I. She was in the changing room and I was through the doorway, around the corner in the larger mirrored area finishing getting ready. We were having a yelling conversation - well not really yelling but talking way louder than I would if there were other people around. It didn't matter we were on our own. Then...these two women walk in (not even girls - probably in their early-30's women) and as they walked in, I was saying one last thing to my friend (really loudly, I admit). That was the end of me talking like that - there were now people in there and I wasn't going to broadcast my conversation around. Well...these two women walk past me and go around the corner and start yelling things to each other like...."can you hear me - am I loud enough for you?"...."wait - say that again I couldn't quite hear you"...."ha ha ha ha". I sat there thinking - seriously???? it's obvious they are making fun of me yelling to my friend. Do you really have nothing better to do than make fun of others for such petty things. It felt so high school. I wanted to yell back, "grow up" - but that wouldn't have solved anything. So...I continued on with what I was doing, perturbedly (yeah - I know it's not a word) and left.
I had someone tell me about this group of friends they have (all in their late 20's or early 30's) and something happened and she wasn't sure what it was that made some of the group behave weirdly with another part of the group. She confronted someone and they acted like they didn't know what she was talking about. "What?? Everything's fine." She decided it felt like "High School" with people acting one way to you and then not admitting problems and dealing with them like adults. I told her if she felt like that than she shouldn't be friends with the people anymore. Who has energy for that stuff, really? She stopped being friends with them.
Seriously though...when does eye-rolling, passive-aggressiveness and teasing stop? Apparently never. What does being "grown-up" mean when grown-ups act like this? There need to be more classes in High School about interpersonal relationships and communication - that would come in handy better in the real world.
I have these moments where I look around and realize that I'm still surrounded by cliques and people are still petty. It's the little things.
I was in the locker room at the gym the other day and there was no one there besides my friend and I. She was in the changing room and I was through the doorway, around the corner in the larger mirrored area finishing getting ready. We were having a yelling conversation - well not really yelling but talking way louder than I would if there were other people around. It didn't matter we were on our own. Then...these two women walk in (not even girls - probably in their early-30's women) and as they walked in, I was saying one last thing to my friend (really loudly, I admit). That was the end of me talking like that - there were now people in there and I wasn't going to broadcast my conversation around. Well...these two women walk past me and go around the corner and start yelling things to each other like...."can you hear me - am I loud enough for you?"...."wait - say that again I couldn't quite hear you"...."ha ha ha ha". I sat there thinking - seriously???? it's obvious they are making fun of me yelling to my friend. Do you really have nothing better to do than make fun of others for such petty things. It felt so high school. I wanted to yell back, "grow up" - but that wouldn't have solved anything. So...I continued on with what I was doing, perturbedly (yeah - I know it's not a word) and left.
I had someone tell me about this group of friends they have (all in their late 20's or early 30's) and something happened and she wasn't sure what it was that made some of the group behave weirdly with another part of the group. She confronted someone and they acted like they didn't know what she was talking about. "What?? Everything's fine." She decided it felt like "High School" with people acting one way to you and then not admitting problems and dealing with them like adults. I told her if she felt like that than she shouldn't be friends with the people anymore. Who has energy for that stuff, really? She stopped being friends with them.
Seriously though...when does eye-rolling, passive-aggressiveness and teasing stop? Apparently never. What does being "grown-up" mean when grown-ups act like this? There need to be more classes in High School about interpersonal relationships and communication - that would come in handy better in the real world.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
It was lost and now it's found
It drives me crazy when things get misplaced. I will tear up my purse, my car, my house on a mission to find something.
Six weeks ago, we rented a movie - The Blind Side. I got it the day it came out - March 23rd. I watched it right away and put it aside for Alexander to watch the next day. When that day came, I couldn't find the movie. Anywhere. I tore up my purse, my car and my house and COULD NOT locate the dang movie. Luckily, we have a Powerplay system from Hollywood Video where we can rent three movies and have them out for as long as we want with no due dates or late fees. After we "misplaced" the movie - I upped it from two to three, figuring that after the movie was found we would change it back.
Life went on and the movie was not turning up.
I got to the point where I figured that there was a good chance that Cameron had thrown it in the garbage and I was going to have pay $50 to replace a lost movie or something. But, I was still holding out a little hope. I cleaned out my ENTIRE car, actually BOTH entire cars. No luck. I cleaned out under all the beds - No luck. I checked under the couches, in the ottoman and inside the bag of garbage that was recently placed outside - no luck. Argh!!!
So...time went on and still NO movie.
TODAY....I decided to stop at Hollywood Video and return my most recent movies - which mind you I never got around to finish watching since I go through movie watching spurts. I rented a bunch and thought the whole $43 a month plan to rent as many movies as we wanted with no due dates and late fees would be worth it. But....then a month goes by where I have the same two movies sitting by the tv. At least they weren't late. But, it's also not worth it to spend $43 to hold onto two movies for a month either. Well....the word is that Hollywood Videos are going out of business and I wanted to find out the status of my situation. I stopped by and inquired what it would cost to replace a movie if it didn't turn up and they said $16, but it would get reimbursed if I managed to find it with 8 weeks of the store closing (since corporate would continue to operate that much longer). I didn't have my wallet with me and didn't feel like heading to the car for it, so I figured I'd begrudgingly pay next time.
I get home and am checking my cell phone for messages when it slips out of my hand and goes sliding across the kitchen floor and under the freakin' oven.
I have to locate some kind of contraption from in my office to wedge under and sweep out my phone which I can no longer see because it's dark under there.
I manage to pull out:
4 Hot Wheels Cars
2 Fridge Magnet Letters
1 Thomas the Tank Train
1 Spoon
A random broken piece of plastic from something
2 Giant Plastic Jacks
1 Blind Side Movie
Clearly Cameron got into a mood of wheeling, throwing and shoving things under the oven one day and I now have a new place to add to my list of areas to tear up when I am looking for something.
Six weeks ago, we rented a movie - The Blind Side. I got it the day it came out - March 23rd. I watched it right away and put it aside for Alexander to watch the next day. When that day came, I couldn't find the movie. Anywhere. I tore up my purse, my car and my house and COULD NOT locate the dang movie. Luckily, we have a Powerplay system from Hollywood Video where we can rent three movies and have them out for as long as we want with no due dates or late fees. After we "misplaced" the movie - I upped it from two to three, figuring that after the movie was found we would change it back.
Life went on and the movie was not turning up.
I got to the point where I figured that there was a good chance that Cameron had thrown it in the garbage and I was going to have pay $50 to replace a lost movie or something. But, I was still holding out a little hope. I cleaned out my ENTIRE car, actually BOTH entire cars. No luck. I cleaned out under all the beds - No luck. I checked under the couches, in the ottoman and inside the bag of garbage that was recently placed outside - no luck. Argh!!!
So...time went on and still NO movie.
TODAY....I decided to stop at Hollywood Video and return my most recent movies - which mind you I never got around to finish watching since I go through movie watching spurts. I rented a bunch and thought the whole $43 a month plan to rent as many movies as we wanted with no due dates and late fees would be worth it. But....then a month goes by where I have the same two movies sitting by the tv. At least they weren't late. But, it's also not worth it to spend $43 to hold onto two movies for a month either. Well....the word is that Hollywood Videos are going out of business and I wanted to find out the status of my situation. I stopped by and inquired what it would cost to replace a movie if it didn't turn up and they said $16, but it would get reimbursed if I managed to find it with 8 weeks of the store closing (since corporate would continue to operate that much longer). I didn't have my wallet with me and didn't feel like heading to the car for it, so I figured I'd begrudgingly pay next time.
I get home and am checking my cell phone for messages when it slips out of my hand and goes sliding across the kitchen floor and under the freakin' oven.
I have to locate some kind of contraption from in my office to wedge under and sweep out my phone which I can no longer see because it's dark under there.
I manage to pull out:
4 Hot Wheels Cars
2 Fridge Magnet Letters
1 Thomas the Tank Train
1 Spoon
A random broken piece of plastic from something
2 Giant Plastic Jacks
1 Blind Side Movie
Clearly Cameron got into a mood of wheeling, throwing and shoving things under the oven one day and I now have a new place to add to my list of areas to tear up when I am looking for something.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Mornings with my 7 Year Old
I hate mornings. I really hate mornings. In fact, I would say I abhor them.
I'm pretty sure my mom would think it's karma, however I'm pretty sure I was never as bad as my daughter is.
She is supposed to be up at 7 in order to get dressed (in a uniform - thank god picking out an outfit is something I don't have to deal with every the morning), brush teeth, brush hair, eat breakfast and get out the door by 7:45 for the carpool.
Most mornings are like this:
7:00 - Alarm Goes Off
7:10 - I gently remind Isabella that it's time to get up and get ready
7:15 - My oldest is already up, dressed, and downstairs eating breakfast with no reminders
7:20 - I'm telling Isabella that she really needs to get up so she can get ready in time
7:30 - I'm trying to drag Isabella out of bed because she has less than 15 minutes to get ready
7:40 - I'm yelling at Isabella to get moving because the carpool is here in 5 minutes and she needs to wake up.
7:42 - She slowly and grumpily makes her way downstairs and calls her brother an "asshole" on the way down (that's a new one that I don't have time to properly deal with right now, aside from - "Isabella I heard that").
7:45 - I'm telling her to hurry up as she is yelling at me that she hates me and hates school and hates mornings and hates everything and I had the bonus of her telling me I was an "ass" this morning too.
7:50 - I'm quickly trying to brush her hair after spraying on a ton of conditioning spray and she's screaming and screaming at me because none of the THREE pairs of socks work for her and she hates that the lines bother her and she hates how it feels on the bottom of her feet and she hates they way the socks rub her the wrong way.
7:53 - The carpool is a little late and Isabella is now dressed and has her hair brushed and refuses to eat the pancake that I"m shoving in her hand
7:54 - Isabella is screaming at me to do her ponytail without any bumps in it. "Don't make it pufffyyyy!" I fail in my rush to just scoop it back in a ponytail and she starts screaming and pulling the ponytail holder out of her hair and at me and throwing her jacket to the ground.
7:55 - I'm following her out to the car with the pancake and muttering how I hate mornings.
7:56 - The kids are now off to school and I can relax.
I'm pretty sure my mom would think it's karma, however I'm pretty sure I was never as bad as my daughter is.
She is supposed to be up at 7 in order to get dressed (in a uniform - thank god picking out an outfit is something I don't have to deal with every the morning), brush teeth, brush hair, eat breakfast and get out the door by 7:45 for the carpool.
Most mornings are like this:
7:00 - Alarm Goes Off
7:10 - I gently remind Isabella that it's time to get up and get ready
7:15 - My oldest is already up, dressed, and downstairs eating breakfast with no reminders
7:20 - I'm telling Isabella that she really needs to get up so she can get ready in time
7:30 - I'm trying to drag Isabella out of bed because she has less than 15 minutes to get ready
7:40 - I'm yelling at Isabella to get moving because the carpool is here in 5 minutes and she needs to wake up.
7:42 - She slowly and grumpily makes her way downstairs and calls her brother an "asshole" on the way down (that's a new one that I don't have time to properly deal with right now, aside from - "Isabella I heard that").
7:45 - I'm telling her to hurry up as she is yelling at me that she hates me and hates school and hates mornings and hates everything and I had the bonus of her telling me I was an "ass" this morning too.
7:50 - I'm quickly trying to brush her hair after spraying on a ton of conditioning spray and she's screaming and screaming at me because none of the THREE pairs of socks work for her and she hates that the lines bother her and she hates how it feels on the bottom of her feet and she hates they way the socks rub her the wrong way.
7:53 - The carpool is a little late and Isabella is now dressed and has her hair brushed and refuses to eat the pancake that I"m shoving in her hand
7:54 - Isabella is screaming at me to do her ponytail without any bumps in it. "Don't make it pufffyyyy!" I fail in my rush to just scoop it back in a ponytail and she starts screaming and pulling the ponytail holder out of her hair and at me and throwing her jacket to the ground.
7:55 - I'm following her out to the car with the pancake and muttering how I hate mornings.
7:56 - The kids are now off to school and I can relax.
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