Monday, July 25, 2011

Getting scared

Alright, I'm down to my last week here and things are starting to set in and i'm getting freaked out. Not another anxiety-attack-end-up-in-the-hospital-moment, but still getting freaked out.

The thing is, I've been freaked out, but I've been trying to keep it at bay. I've been staying really, really busy and trying not to comprehend that this is in fact happening to me.

It's all been a bit of an out of body experience, really.

When people talk to me about "what a great experience this is", "what a wonderful opportunity for the children this is", "oh, I'm so jealous, I wish I could do that", "how exciting", etc..... All I keep thinking is that it's a great xyz for SOMEONE else. I'm scared out of my gourd, part of me doesn't want to go and I really am happy in my little bubble, thank you very much.

But, I nod and say thank you and yes, it is and talk about how wonderful and exciting it will all be because that's what people want to hear. It's easier to say that it will be great and fun and wonderful. I don't want to say: I don't want to leave and I'm scared that I'll hate it, the kids will hate us, the people will suck, I'll never make the kinds of friends I have here, my neighbors might be horrible, the kids might hate their school, I'm sure I'll get lost, I'll never find a good doctor or pediatrician, the weather will be unbearable, I won't understand lots of people, the embassy wives will probably be cliquey, Cameron won't understand where all his friends have gone, I'll miss my mom too much and on and on and on.

If I say all that then everyone will be sad and I'll be sad and I'll never manage to hold it together for my kids and get on a plane and function.

I am sure it will probably be fine, but what if it's not?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

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