Adult ADD

So I was flipping through the channels tonight and stumbled across a Channel 9 (KCTS) special, call-in to donate and receive a kit, informative interview thing. You know what I mean, right? It was on Adult ADD and I listened to the people and thought - my God this could so be me! Not the first time I've thought this and my mom has told me that she wonders if I had it as a kid back before anyone knew what ADD was. I even went online and took some quizes which I scored well on or high on or possibly positive for ADD on. Next step...I reserved a couple books from the library to look into things more. But, the biggest things that stood out that I heard or read that rang true for me....
* poor organizational skills (home, office, desk, or car is extremely messy and cluttered)
* tendency to procrastinate
* trouble starting and finishing projects
* chronic lateness
* underestimating the time it will take you to complete tasks
* “zoning out” without realizing it, even in the middle of a conversation.
* extreme distractibility; wandering attention makes it hard to stay on track.
* frequently interrupt others or talk over them
* have addictive tendencies (in my case: shopping and eating come to mind)
* feelings of inner restlessness, agitation
* getting bored easily
* racing thoughts
* trouble sitting still; constant fidgeting
* talking excessively
* doing a million things at once
HELLO?? I'm not ready to call a doctor and get medication or anything, but reading a book or two and getting some possible coping mechanisms couldn't hurt.

The title sounds like it was written for me.....

Tomorrow's To Do

I enjoy To Do Lists. In fact, Brian says I probably make more lists than actually complete. But there is something about having my thoughts down on paper that helps me to feel better organized. I looked at my to do list for tomorrow and am so glad that I only had two days a month that are this insane......

Night Before
 Pack Gym Bag
 Lay-Out Gym Clothes
 Lay-Out Kids Uniforms
 Prepare KM Lesson Plan and place in Car
 Pack KM Music Instruments in Car
7:00 a.m. – 7:45 a.m.
 Get Kids Up
 Feed Kids Breakfast
 Pack Lunches
 Dress Cameron
 Pack Extra Diapers in Diaper Bag
 Get Dressed and Ready to Go
7:50 a.m.
 Kids get Picked Up for School
8:00 a.m.
 Leave for Gym
8:30 a.m. – 10:00 a.m.
 Racquetball Game
 Shower & Get Dressed
10:30 a.m. – 11:00 a.m.
 Storytime at Ferndale Library
11:15 a.m. – 12:00 p.m.
 Gymnastics Class at Bellingham Bay Gymnastics
12:15 p.m. – 12:45 p.m.
 Lunch at Subway on Northwest
1:00 p.m. – 2:00 p.m.
 Teach Kindermusik at Gardenview Montessori
2:25 p.m. – 3:00 p.m.
 Pick up Kids at Assumption School
 Carpool Home Sawicki’s
3:15 p.m. – 4:45 p.m.
 Prep for City Council Work Session
 Figure out Dinner for Kids
 Pack Protein Bar in Purse for Meeting
5:00 p.m. – 6:00 p.m.
 City Council Work Session
6:00 p.m. – 8:30 p.m.
 City Council Meeting
8:45 p.m.
 Home

The Short List

Brian notified me a couple weeks ago that he made the "Short List" for the Abu Dhabi job. This means he is one of the top three being considered for the job. Now we wait for a call about an interview and we wait and we wait and wait. The government has no timeline for this kind of thing, at least not one that they have shared with us. I feel like I'm kinda putting my life on hold while we wait to see if this is going to pan out..

The Middle East????

The Middle East????
Brian has been mentioning going overseas for quite some time now. However, until a few months ago, I have not been on board with the idea. I've never lived (or visited) anywhere outside of North America. I'm a little hesitant to give up our entire lives to venture into the unknown. Have you met me? I don't do well with the unknown, the unexpected, and things out of my control.

But, over time time he has worn me down.

So...a few months ago when Brian said that a job had opened up in Austria that he was thinking of applying for, I decided to give him the go ahead. I then spent the next several weeks OBSESSING. What is the housing like? Where would we live? What are the schools like? How expensive is it? What do they speak there? How could I get around? Could we travel to other areas in Europe easily? What could we rent our current house for? What activities are available there for the kids? and on and on and on.

Unfortunately, because it's a government job, we have no way of knowing where he is in the process. There are no phone calls saying..."we got your resume"..."we are in the process of interviews"....."you are in our top 20"......"thank you for applying, we went another direction". No...it doesn't work like that. All that happens is he gets a confirmation EMAIL that his application has been received and then we get to wait and wait and wait and wait and wait until eventually you find out the job is filled and it wasn't by you. ARGH

So....when that job didn't happen - it was frustrating. My goodness - I was mentally prepared to go there and my head was in it and we were set. I even started looking up teaching jobs for my mom so she could move there too!

So...a few weeks later, Brian came to me and said that a job opened up in Argentina and I said, "no thanks". I had it in my head that I only wanted to live in Europe. I don't know why. I felt it was more in my comfort zone to go to a bigger city in a more English speaking area and blah blah blah. I later found out that Argentina would've been a pretty good spot to get for a variety of reasons but the ship sailed on that one.

Then....London opened up. I thought, great! They speak English there and it's in Europe and that would be good. He applied and we waited and waited and waited and waited and NOTHING.

Another one in London opened up a few weeks later. He applied and we waited and waited and waited and NOTHING!

This is no a process I enjoy, let me tell you.

Brian explained that some places have a lot more people applying for them and so his chances go down.

Fine, I get it. But...mentally I'm prepared for the day when we will get an overseas assignment.

Then....a couple weeks ago he came to me and asked what I thought of Abu Dhabi, UAE. I told him to find out more information. He was surprised that I didn't shoot it down right away. I'm working to be more open-minded.

I have a friend who's husband is from Dubai (1.5 hours from Abu Dhabi) and she had just visited there with her family (husband and two kids) a few months ago. She came back and spoke about how clean things were and how good the food was and that she could handle living there if/when the time came.

So...I figured, why not?

I started throwing it out there to see what I could find out and to put some of my ignorant, naive ideas to rest. No people don't ride camels there to get around. No women don't dress in clothing covering them from head to toe. Yes, women can drive there. Yes, women can talk to men looking in their eyes. Yes, it's very safe there and you can walk outside at night by yourself no problem. Yes, people speak English there. Yes, there are lots of Americans and British there. Yes, there are soccer clubs and rugby clubs and gymnastics there. Yes, there are Fast Food Places and Clothing places that we would recognize there. Bonus - labor is cheap and maids/cooks/nannies are available for pennies on the dollar. Bonus - Dry Cleaning is cheap. Yes, the Government would make a house available to us (yes, it would be nice and comfortable and not a tiny apartment). Yes, the Government would place our kids in an International or US School and pick up the expense. Yes, the Government would pay for our move there. Yes, the Government would pay for us to visit back here once a year. Yes, there are Mommy Groups out there. Yes, there are gyms out there. Yes, Brian would get a cost of living adjustment out there. Yes, you can drive cars out there. Con - it's hotter than heck out there getting into the 120's July - but everything is Air-Conditioned. Pro - you can enjoy different things like Camel races and Dune Buggy rides. So....the more I read about it and saw about it, the more I thought that I could do it.

I found out that I had a friend of a friend that works at a University there. Another friend of a friend that works at a Public School there. Brian works with someone who is friends with the Supervisor at the office he would potentially be working in. He emailed him and called him to talk about the job and living there (the guy is married with a couple kids himself). He had positive things to say too.

Brian thinks that his chances would be better for Abu Dhabi then for London or Austria because less people would apply.

The job would be for two years with a chance to extend if he liked it. I would want to come back here after....but my mind is open. Brian is hoping that I will enjoy being overseas so much that I'll be ready to try somewhere else for a couple years.

As for the kids....Isabella is ready to go today, Alexander wants to live with my mom instead of going and Cameron has no clue.

As for me....I'm open and ready for anything. I would miss my friends and my family and my life here but I value the experience that would be had for all of us by going somewhere else. I look forward to having an excuse to pare down on all our stuff if we go somewhere else. I have a MILLION questions still that will get answered as the process moves on. My biggest concern is, what do I do all day??

Brian will have a job that he will go to. I don't plan to work. I can only shop and do the touristy thing for so long until it's not enough any more. Hopefully I would just find things to be involved with. I wonder how expensive it is to talk on the phone from there??

Brian officially put in his application yesterday and now, we wait.........

Black & White

First a little background.....I have a fantastic group of girlfriends. There are actually 12 of us in all. We go away to a Girls Weekend each year and the last one was in March. As we were traveling back from our last Girls Weekend, a few of us stopped to do a little shopping. I was with one of the gals and was encouraging her to get a cute dress and she didn't see the need for it. She was going through a tough time with her husband and said she had nobody to go on a date with, why should she get a dress? I told her that I would go on a date with her! I encouraged her to get a really cute black & white dress and I picked one up and before I knew I I had grabbed a dress for another friend with us and mentioned it to a few more. Thus....Black & White Date Night was born. Here we are a few months later and that one friend has actually reconciled with her husband and they are off to a wonderful new beginning. Our Black & White Date night continued on in a much brighter mood than it had been started in.

It is very difficult to plan something for 12 people. It's hard to find a day that works, it's hard to find something that works for everyone. Needless to say, 7 of us made it for last night's event.

A few came to my house early to do make-up, borrow jewelry and do their hair and we headed down to meet the rest. We had quite a few people do double-takes or ask if we planned it or ask why were doing it. When it was explained that we did plan it, and it's just for fun they all thought it was a great idea.

We ate a restaurant called Fino's and the food was amazing, the view was amazing and the company was amazing. It was a nice restaurant and it looks right over Bellingham Bay. It was beautiful outside and we had a portion of the restaurant all to ourselves. When no one was talking, it was really, really quiet. Ahhhhh. We met for dinner at 6:00 and by the time I figured out our unsplit bill with the help of paper, a pencil and Nicole's calculator we were out of there around 8:30.

I had gotten a list of places that had live music in town and we spent the last part of dinner having some of the gals with the fancy phones looking up some of the groups online. We agreed on a group and headed to somewhere called The Acoustic Frog Cafe or something like that. There was a $10 cover and it was packed and standing room only. We opted to pass. At this point, one gal (Cindy) decided that her feet had enough and she was heading home. We were now down to 6.


I was driving a minivan and the back of my car has two captain seats. Apparently, one of the seats wasn't locked in place and everytime I took a turn, the person would go flying from one side to the other. The gals in back were having so much fun, that I wish I had just pulled over and asked to switch. I'm also pretty sure that the cars behind me were questioning my driving skills as I was screeching the corners and swerving.

We decided to just head to Bellingham Bar & Grill. They have really good drinks, it's not too loud and we could sit and talk which is one thing we all agree one and can never have enough of (drinking and talking). So....the six of us headed down for more visiting time. It was a lot of fun and silliness.

We wrapped up there around 11:30 and four more gals decided it was time to head home.

As for me...I knew the kids were asleep and Brian was asleep and this was a night I could be out later and no one would care. I committed to being the one to get up with the kids in the morning and that was okay.

So, Nicole and I headed out for dancing.

We parked outside of Rumors (our local gay bar - but even if you're not gay you can go there and dance and it's no big deal place). They were having a "foam party" - which I must admit I had never gone to, looked a little fun and a little scary. We skipped this (for now) and headed down the street.

We went to The Royal. I like the music and I like dancing there. Nicole grew up in this town and she runs into people she knows everywhere we go and of course ran into old friends there that showed off baby pics amidst the loud, pumping music and girls wearing thing that wouldn't of even worn in my more confident, skinnier days. It's a great place to people watch and I'm always amazed at the self-confidence or liquid courage of some of the people out there dancing.

By the time we left there it was about 12:45. We headed back to the car and had to pass by Rumors again. I glanced, no better stared at the people exiting. Some were covered head to toe in soapy foam. I thought it looked crazy, a little fun and I was a lot intrigued. Nicole saw an old friend and we took a picture with him outside of the club and then contemplated about going in or not going in and how late it was and how maybe we should head home but I kinda wanted to go in only for a second but maybe we shouldn't because we're not dressed appropriately for it, but maybe just a little. Yeah...this went on a while. Eventually...I paid the $10 cover for each of us and the guy at the front let us through (after commenting that it was the longest decision process he's ever seen). He wasn't with me at dinner...I guarantee that was a longer decision process. I take a while to commit to things, what can I say?

So....we entered in to a scene out of I don't know where. I'm pretty sure I looked like a deer caught in the headlights and I couldn't help it. There were people in bikinis, people in their bra and jeans, guys with no shirt on or people fully clothed. There were guys making out with other guys or girls making out with other girls or just everyone else dancing in gigantic mounds of foam and having a good time. I think I stuck to the wall and couldn't move for a good 5 minutes. Nicole had a few people ask her if I was okay. She convinced them I was. Then....I started making my way out into the craziness while mumbling....I'll be fine, I'm okay, this is no big deal, it's only soap, I'm okay, I'll be fine....I think I looked like a crazy person.

Then, some soapy person would bump into me and I would freeze and Nicole would have to hold my hand or touch my shoulder to make me okay.

I think I felt like people could be trapped under the huge amounts of soapy foam. What if someone was dead under there and you didn't know? What if someone drowned in the foam and no one has any idea and we're all just dancing away out here? What if the foam keeps rising and rising and rising and then it gets to me and I can't breathe and I suffocate in the foam, admidst half-naked people at a gay bar in Bellingham? That is not how I want to go. What if I get trampled under the foam and I can't get up? I was having serious panic issues. Nicole said she would look out for me and it would be okay.

She even asked if I wanted to leave, but I didn't. It was out of my comfort zone and I was okay with it. I wanted to be carefree and bouncing around in foam. Everyone looked like they were having so much fun. I wanted to get the stick out of my butt, relax and enjoy myself.

I would not drown in foam. There are bouncers watching everywhere and it would be fine.

The foam was soft and slippery on my legs and it felt nice once I got over the idea that I was taking a gigantic foamy bath with 200 people. I eventually relaxed and enjoyed it. It took a while for me to be okay, but I was. I had fun. I got foamy and I danced and I would totally do it again. They're probably having another one in July and I'm going to try to convince others from our group to go.....

How do you learn to not let people bother you?

I suppose this kinda follows up with my last blog a little. I wish I could be one of those people that didn't let other people bother them. You know, the kind that don't care what other people think.

But....I am SO that person who cares what others think. I'm not sure if I would consider myself a people-pleaser, per se. But, I do want people to like me. (Does that make me a people-pleasee?) Or, at least, to explain to me why they don't like me.

It's hard for me when someone starts behaving differently towards me and clearly has an issue with me, but doesn't state why. Even when asked. It drives me nuts. I wish I could just let it go. But, I can't. So instead, I stew and wonder and stew and wonder and analyze and question and hypothesize reasons:

Did I say something to offend them?
Did I not include them in something they think they should've been included in?
Did one of my children do something to annoy them?
Do they not like how I parent?
Do they not like how I dress?
Do they not like how I talk?
Do they think I talk too much?
Do they not like what I talk about?
Do they think they're better than me?
Do I come across that I'm better than them?
Do they have a friend that doesn't like me so they decide that's reason enough?
Did they hear something about me that makes them not like me?
Do they not like my friends and therefore, not me?
Do they just not like me for no reason?

Can you say over-thinking? That's just a ramble off the top of my head too. I wish I didn't care. I wish when people suddenly started ignoring me or stopped talking to me as much or stopped inviting me to whatever or unfriended me on damn facebook that it didn't bother me. I wish I could let it roll of my back. But, I can't and I don't.

Why can't people just tell it like it is? Why can't they be upfront? When a question is asked, be a grown-up and be honest with your response.

Yes, I'm that insecure. It's pathetic.

Why does life feel like High School?

Do you ever get that feeling that you've never really left High School?

I have these moments where I look around and realize that I'm still surrounded by cliques and people are still petty. It's the little things.

I was in the locker room at the gym the other day and there was no one there besides my friend and I. She was in the changing room and I was through the doorway, around the corner in the larger mirrored area finishing getting ready. We were having a yelling conversation - well not really yelling but talking way louder than I would if there were other people around. It didn't matter we were on our own. Then...these two women walk in (not even girls - probably in their early-30's women) and as they walked in, I was saying one last thing to my friend (really loudly, I admit). That was the end of me talking like that - there were now people in there and I wasn't going to broadcast my conversation around. Well...these two women walk past me and go around the corner and start yelling things to each other like...."can you hear me - am I loud enough for you?"...."wait - say that again I couldn't quite hear you"...."ha ha ha ha". I sat there thinking - seriously???? it's obvious they are making fun of me yelling to my friend. Do you really have nothing better to do than make fun of others for such petty things. It felt so high school. I wanted to yell back, "grow up" - but that wouldn't have solved anything. So...I continued on with what I was doing, perturbedly (yeah - I know it's not a word) and left.


I had someone tell me about this group of friends they have (all in their late 20's or early 30's) and something happened and she wasn't sure what it was that made some of the group behave weirdly with another part of the group. She confronted someone and they acted like they didn't know what she was talking about. "What?? Everything's fine." She decided it felt like "High School" with people acting one way to you and then not admitting problems and dealing with them like adults. I told her if she felt like that than she shouldn't be friends with the people anymore. Who has energy for that stuff, really? She stopped being friends with them.

Seriously though...when does eye-rolling, passive-aggressiveness and teasing stop? Apparently never. What does being "grown-up" mean when grown-ups act like this? There need to be more classes in High School about interpersonal relationships and communication - that would come in handy better in the real world.

It was lost and now it's found

It drives me crazy when things get misplaced. I will tear up my purse, my car, my house on a mission to find something.

Six weeks ago, we rented a movie - The Blind Side. I got it the day it came out - March 23rd. I watched it right away and put it aside for Alexander to watch the next day. When that day came, I couldn't find the movie. Anywhere. I tore up my purse, my car and my house and COULD NOT locate the dang movie. Luckily, we have a Powerplay system from Hollywood Video where we can rent three movies and have them out for as long as we want with no due dates or late fees. After we "misplaced" the movie - I upped it from two to three, figuring that after the movie was found we would change it back.

Life went on and the movie was not turning up.

I got to the point where I figured that there was a good chance that Cameron had thrown it in the garbage and I was going to have pay $50 to replace a lost movie or something. But, I was still holding out a little hope. I cleaned out my ENTIRE car, actually BOTH entire cars. No luck. I cleaned out under all the beds - No luck. I checked under the couches, in the ottoman and inside the bag of garbage that was recently placed outside - no luck. Argh!!!

So...time went on and still NO movie.

TODAY....I decided to stop at Hollywood Video and return my most recent movies - which mind you I never got around to finish watching since I go through movie watching spurts. I rented a bunch and thought the whole $43 a month plan to rent as many movies as we wanted with no due dates and late fees would be worth it. But....then a month goes by where I have the same two movies sitting by the tv. At least they weren't late. But, it's also not worth it to spend $43 to hold onto two movies for a month either. Well....the word is that Hollywood Videos are going out of business and I wanted to find out the status of my situation. I stopped by and inquired what it would cost to replace a movie if it didn't turn up and they said $16, but it would get reimbursed if I managed to find it with 8 weeks of the store closing (since corporate would continue to operate that much longer). I didn't have my wallet with me and didn't feel like heading to the car for it, so I figured I'd begrudgingly pay next time.

I get home and am checking my cell phone for messages when it slips out of my hand and goes sliding across the kitchen floor and under the freakin' oven.

I have to locate some kind of contraption from in my office to wedge under and sweep out my phone which I can no longer see because it's dark under there.

I manage to pull out:
4 Hot Wheels Cars
2 Fridge Magnet Letters
1 Thomas the Tank Train
1 Spoon
A random broken piece of plastic from something
2 Giant Plastic Jacks
1 Blind Side Movie

Clearly Cameron got into a mood of wheeling, throwing and shoving things under the oven one day and I now have a new place to add to my list of areas to tear up when I am looking for something.

Mornings with my 7 Year Old

I hate mornings. I really hate mornings. In fact, I would say I abhor them.

I'm pretty sure my mom would think it's karma, however I'm pretty sure I was never as bad as my daughter is.

She is supposed to be up at 7 in order to get dressed (in a uniform - thank god picking out an outfit is something I don't have to deal with every the morning), brush teeth, brush hair, eat breakfast and get out the door by 7:45 for the carpool.

Most mornings are like this:

7:00 - Alarm Goes Off
7:10 - I gently remind Isabella that it's time to get up and get ready
7:15 - My oldest is already up, dressed, and downstairs eating breakfast with no reminders
7:20 - I'm telling Isabella that she really needs to get up so she can get ready in time
7:30 - I'm trying to drag Isabella out of bed because she has less than 15 minutes to get ready
7:40 - I'm yelling at Isabella to get moving because the carpool is here in 5 minutes and she needs to wake up.
7:42 - She slowly and grumpily makes her way downstairs and calls her brother an "asshole" on the way down (that's a new one that I don't have time to properly deal with right now, aside from - "Isabella I heard that").
7:45 - I'm telling her to hurry up as she is yelling at me that she hates me and hates school and hates mornings and hates everything and I had the bonus of her telling me I was an "ass" this morning too.
7:50 - I'm quickly trying to brush her hair after spraying on a ton of conditioning spray and she's screaming and screaming at me because none of the THREE pairs of socks work for her and she hates that the lines bother her and she hates how it feels on the bottom of her feet and she hates they way the socks rub her the wrong way.
7:53 - The carpool is a little late and Isabella is now dressed and has her hair brushed and refuses to eat the pancake that I"m shoving in her hand
7:54 - Isabella is screaming at me to do her ponytail without any bumps in it. "Don't make it pufffyyyy!" I fail in my rush to just scoop it back in a ponytail and she starts screaming and pulling the ponytail holder out of her hair and at me and throwing her jacket to the ground.
7:55 - I'm following her out to the car with the pancake and muttering how I hate mornings.
7:56 - The kids are now off to school and I can relax.

Curbing the Binge Shopping

I think of myself as a binge shopper. Not like a TLC Reality Show Binge Shopper, but still bad enough. I create budgets but don't live off them. I see things I want and buy them, but only if they're on sale or I have a coupon or it's a really good deal. If I feel like eating out, I do.

So, here's the thing. I take a look at my husband's salary and what little I bring in with my this and that jobs and I think, "boy - we make pretty good money for this area, we should be doing pretty good". But, we're not. Well, not as good as I'd like. We're still well below the average debt for Americans, but that number is ridiculously high. I look at our banking statement online every couple days and I'm always amazed at the lengthy list of McDonald's (I like to stop for a Large Diet Coke almost every day and just whip out my Debit Card) or Dairy Queen (the weather's nice and I like to get the kids a treat) or Haggen and Fred Meyer (I don't feel like cooking and just want to pick something up) or my gigantic Costco charges (good deals - can't pass them up and I have three freezers stuffed with food. - can you say "problem"??) or all of my special "discount" stores that I like to stop at because the deals are so good and it goes on and on.

About a week ago, Alexander said to me that he didn't think I could go a week without spending money and less than two seconds later he said, "nevermind - you're a girl, of course you can't". Great!! I'm setting poor examples for my kids and perpetuating some kind of stereotype that women like to spend, spend, spend.

So...yesterday I decided to try to not spend money (aside from gas) for a few days. It's hard, really hard. I feel like a drug addict trying to keep off the crack.

Yesterday wasn't too bad. I stayed busy and before I knew it the day was done. Whew! Day 1 over.

Day 2...lots more difficult. This is how my day went, with my internal battles included:

Alexander is home from school sick. I decide to putz around in pajamas with Cameron and play and read books and go through all of his clothes to sort out what to keep/consign/ebay/etc... and go through my exercise clothes to sort out what to keep/consign.

I was supposed to have a meeting at Haggen at 12:00 to grab lunch and feed Cameron and have someone tell me some sordid city-involved story. Well - I called the gal and switched the meeting to 12:30 at Wood's Coffee. I figured I could grab lunch at home and scrounge a couple bucks to get coffee at Woods. This way I'm not using my debit card (which is the real problem). I did this and it worked.

Then, I came home to grab Cameron (Grandma Trudy was watching the boys) and I head to the school to pick up Bella and catch some of her play practice. No problem - no money to spend there. My friend showed up early and said she'd take Bella home. Great - now I can run to my couple places before heading home.

I swing by the consignment store and drop off my clothes and saw a couple really cute dresses, but NO - I don't need any more freakin' clothes right now and I walked out of the store.

Then, I swing by goodwill to drop stuff off and had to tell myself to keep on driving and not stop, even though they gave me a 30% off coupon to shop and it would be really easy to just pick up a couple things. But, NO - I've done lots of shopping lately and really don't NEED anything so I kept on driving!

Then I thought I had some extra time and it's Thursday and I should totally drive by that discount store that I love that gets new products on Thursday to see what they got in today since I ruined my navy capri workout pants with bleach before I even got to wear them. But NO - I have lots of other workout clothes and don't need to so I kept on driving.

Then, I had to get gas at Fred Meyer and I really wanted to just run in and grab something easy for dinner but NO - I have three freezers and a fridge filled with food and I can cook something on my own. Seriously, three freezers - it's ridiculous. My binge shopping extends to food too.

Then - I saw the T-Mobile store as I was filling up and my phone has been giving me trouble and maybe I should just stop in to see what they could do for me. But - NO, my phone is just fine and I need to keep moving.

Then - I started heading home and saw Cruisin' Coffee and thought that an Iced Mocha would be great today and I probably have a gift card somewhere. But - NO, I don't really need it and if I can't find a gift card then I'd have to use my debit card.

Seeeee....all those internal battles! Every moment of my afternoon I had to fight off spending money.

If this was a week ago I would've spent another $200 today on lunch, coffee, new clothes, stuff for the kids and maybe a new phone!

The battle continues tomorrow.

Breakfast

The kids are up and moving for the day and I made Cameron a 1/2 Soy Nut Butter Sandwich. When Bella drowsily came down the stairs I asked her if she wanted the same. Her response...

Well, if you could cook pancakes, that would be fantastic.

How can I resist when my child asks so politely?

The grill is heating up now.

Single Mom Time

Well...my husband is out of town, again. He's gone for 10 days this time and I'm doing the single mom thing. I must say that part of it is good and part of it just sucks.

I like that I know that what has to get done will get done on my time. If I want it done now, I better get off my butt and do it now. If I want it done later, I'll do it later. This is unlike I want it done now and ask someone to take care of it and then ask them again and then ask them again and then ask them again and then get exasperated and do it myself. This way takes a lot less energy.

I like that I don't trip over shoes and dirty clothes between my bed and the shower each day.

I really like that I don't trip over shoes and dirty clothes between my bed and the bathroom in the middle of the night.

I like that the bed is all mine and I can sleep diagonal if I want to.

I don't like that I have to do EVERYTHING. I have to do all the cooking and all the cleaning.

I don't like that I have to do all the disciplining.

I don't like that the bed is all mine and it's cold when I get in.

I don't like that I have to get the kids up and lunches packed all by myself.

I don't like that I have trouble getting to sleep and stay up wayyyy too late.

I like that I know he will come home soon and I won't be doing this on my own anymore.

Bruised Face Picture Progression

Day 2 without make-up and Day 3 with.

Learned a lesson the hard way

So...here's how my morning was supposed to go: wake up, get kids ready for school, eat breakfast, pack bag for the gym, grab stuff for Cameron's playgroup Easter get-together and head out.

Instead.....woke up to a wet bed because one of my kids peed it, was late getting moving, threw all three kids in the shower to get the pee smell off of them, threw together lunch for Alexander & Bella and got them out the door. Got Cameron dressed and stepped out into the garage to grab a dozen Easter Eggs.....

So, in the garage I have this old breakfast stool. It's in the garage because it's broken. It still swivels, but some of the bolts came out and it tips if you lean over in it. This is what I used to stand on (can you see where this is going?).

I stood on the stool (like I have before) and reached the top shelf to get eggs out of the box. I put them in the bag. I squatted on the stool and held on with the other hand for balance and leaned over so I could jump off. The stool instead completely tilted over and catapaulted me face-first onto the concrete of the garage. Holy Crap it hurt worse than it sounds.

I stood up and had blood gushing out of my nose and mouth and my head was killing me. I was pretty sure my brain was expanding against my fractured skull as I was standing there. But, I have Cameron in the house and I'm only wearing a nightgown and have to get inside to be with him.

I somehow stagger up and wander into the house holding my hand over my face to catch as much blood as I can and get to the kitchen. I grab an ice pack and hold it over my face and then sit on the couch to assess what's happening. Cameron climbs onto the couch and just sits there looking at me. My face is hurting soooo badly and I'm pretty sure it's broken. Yes, my whole face is broken - I can feel it. My teeth hurt, my nose hurt and there is a LOT of blood.

So, I call the gym to cancel my appointment. Don't ask. I just knew I was supposed to be there at 8:30 and was clearly not making it. I think my message to the desk was, "tell Doug I won't be there I hurt myself. I really hurt."

Then, I called my mother-in-law and asked where she was and if she could come. I think I started babbling incoherently because she was getting a little nervous on the phone. I also think the ice pack was laying against my nose and mouth and my lips were swelling so that didn't help either.

I kept saying I hurt, there's lots of blood. She asked if she needed to call 911 and I said I didn't think so but when can she be there it really hurts and I"m so tired.

She said Ray (my father-in-law) is on his way. Then she said to hang up so she can call 911. About 3 minutes went by and I called her again. I needed to talk to someone so I wouldn't pass out I think. I felt woozy and I hurt and I was really freaking out.

Before I called her I had to go to the laundry room and hold the ice pack over my face with one hand and put underwear on with the other because there is no way the paramedics are coming in and seeing me without it on. It's bad enough I'm wearing a nightgown I wouldn't normally wear that I'm practically falling out of the top of. Which I'm pretty sure is now ruined with all the blood that's dripped onto it.

I went back to the couch and the paramedics arrived and I started babbling and crying and being a mess. They really hold it together well. I kept try to look through my blood-spattered glasses to see if I recognized any of them. I kept thinking, "please don't let any of them be a husband of someone I know..." There were so many of them. I swear it had to be about 8.

They checked me out and it of course freaked me out more. One asked me to wipe my tongue in my mouth to make sure my teeth were all there. Oh My God - I might have lost a tooth?? Breathe, feel with tongue, breathe. I'm okay.

Wiggle your toes. Oh My God...I might have done something to my back? Breathe, wiggle, breathe. I'm okay.

They squeezed my head and said they didn't feel swelling or divots or whatever. I was pretty sure it's because it was internal bleeding and they couldn't tell.

They felt up my spine and kept asking if anything hurt. No - that was good.

I kept babbling that I was either going to throw up or I was hungry, I wasn't sure. No, really I think I"m going to throw up. Wait, I'm really hungry. I couldn't even figure out what my body was feeling I was so out of it.

I noticed my leg was bleeding and started to feel pain in my legs and it appears I took out a small chunk on one shin and have a few scrapes on the other.

Then, he checked my face. My lips are really swollen and it looks like they cushioned my teeth nicely. I can't sip water because they are swollen and raw and I can't use a straw because I can't move my mouth that small.

He pushed my nose a little and that REALLY hurt. Pretty sure that's broken, but it could just be bruised.

Then, they put a collar on me and completely strapped me down to a board. Not comfortable. My head was killing me and I just felt so dang stupid for doing it in the first place. I think I babbled about someone needing to tell Jill that I can't get the kids today and they told me that was 6 hours from now and we'll deal with that later.

They started to wheel me out and decided to pull the blankets all the way over my head so the rain would stay off me. All I could think is that if anyone drives by, I look like a dead body being wheeled out of the house. Oh my goodness.

Meanwhile my father-in-law had arrived and was watching Cameron so they could take me to the hospital.

My mother in law was going to meet me there and she had contacted my mom at school and told her that I took a bad fall and was heading to the hospital in the ambulance and was incoherent. My mom got a little freaked, told her class to say the Hail Mary and the Principal told her to head to the hospital for as long as she needed.

We eventually got to the hospital and I got seen rather quickly, as opposed to walking into the ER and waiting for 5 hours. So, that was good.

However, before I left the paramedic mentioned that I might just have a bloody nose and could be fine. Which got me more upset that I did something so dang stupid, caused all this worry, had 8 paramedics and firefighters at my house and was taken to the ER in an ambulance because of a bloody nose. Can you imagine?

They did an xray on my chest and neck to check for broken bones and then they did a cat scan on my face and head.

They came back and told me I have a non-displaced broken nose. So...I look like I was hit by a truck or in a bar fight, but at least it's not as bad as it could be. Trust me, I ran through the scenarios...

What if I passed out in a pool of blood on my garage floor and Cameron got into gosh knows what before being discovered?

What if I landed on any one of the millions of things in the garage like the band saw, metal rake or whatever?

What if I cracked my skull and had a swollen brain?

But no...just a broken nose, fat lip, sore teeth, contusions up and down my legs, chunk of skin missing from my shin, horrible headache, sore shoulders, achy neck and feeling of stupidity mixed with relief.

My mom stayed with me at the hospital and my mother in law stayed at the house to clean up the blood and watch Cameron.

Mom took me home and headed back to work and my mother in law is with me until she comes back to stay overnight.

So much for the rest of my day...no gym, no playgroup easter get together, Alexander will need to find another way to get to soccer practice, Cameron will need to find another way to gymnastics in the morning and on and on.

I'm taking a break, a breath and saying a prayer it wasn't so much worse.

One of my neighbors (Melissa M) brought by a lasagna, salad, bread and cookies for dinner tonight and I've gotten lots of calls/emails/messages of concern so that's wonderful. I'm very grateful I have such wonderful friends and family that live nearby to help take care of me in my lapses of judgement.

My friend Denise said I should've taken a picture when my face was all bloody and messed up. I didn't. I could attach one now, but I'm not sure how it would come across? Alright, I took one of myself and I must say....I've had better days!

Random Kid Comments

My kids seem to be pretty inquisitive. I get that. But sometimes, I'm surprised at what comes out of their mouth.

In the car today, Alexander asked what would happen if a boy had chicken pox and he got one on his pee hole?

I didn't have an answer for that.

Back to Reality

So…totally enjoyed my super-relaxing amazing weekend and I still have a story to share with more than half of you that I never had the right time to share during the weekend…Angie got it during our late night talk and Melinda/Nicole/Kim got it in the car after shopping.

As for adjusting to being back home.

I walked in the door on Friday evening and Brian walked out to run errands for three hours, followed by reading a magazine in a nice hot bath. I went straight to Cameron and begged him to nurse so I could get a little comfort – he did. Brian had the kids Friday and they played outside all evening and he totally forgot about their racquetball lesson (so I relate to you Jodi on that one) an then he took them all up to Mt. Baker on Saturday for sledding and the big kids had a blast. He dropped Isabella off with my mom Saturday night for a sleepover and on Sunday morning took Alexander to rugby and then dropped the boys off at his parents to run errands. My mom took Bella to church, lunch and shopping for her birthday. I got home to a pretty messy house. Isabella was showing off all her new things and Alexander was sulking because she got thing from Nana and it’s not her birthday and Nana hasn’t done anything for him yet and his birthday was 8 months ago (in mom’s defense – she tried but things haven’t worked out in regards to a time for a movie or Alexander making up his mind about another activity). I opened a box that came from Woot! Filled with some toys for Cameron and Alexander asked me if “I loved Cameron more than him?” because I’m always buying things for him.

Eventually everyone went to bed and I conked out at 9:30 p.m. I was awoken by Cameron at 12:30 a.m. with MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA and I nursed him and he wouldn’t go back to sleep and I brought him to bed with us and he proceeded to nurse for the next five hours off and on and kick Brian in the face and smack me in the head with his restless sleeping. Brian left around 6:30 a.m. for the airport (for at least 10 days) and Alexander climbed in bed. Brian DIDN’T set the alarm. I woke up at 7:40 with a start and had to SCRAMBLE to: find uniforms for the kids, wake them up, make sure they got dressed, pack lunches, shove breakfast in their hands and get them out the door at 7:46 when the doorbell rang!! Then…I had to SCRAMBLE to get Cameron dressed, find clothes to wear, take a shower, drop ½ a muffin in the playpen for him to eat so I could get ready and get out the door to volunteer in Isabella’s classroom by 8:15!! I opened the expedition to find it FILLED with F****** wet sledding clothes, jackets, boots and CRAP and sleds and the seats down. I had to toss everything in the garage to deal with later, put the seat up and grab the extra booster seat to put in the car and get out of there. I dropped Cameron off at Ray & Trudy’s and SCRAMBLED to school and made it there by 8:25 when they were doing the Pledge of Allegiance. Whew!!

Then…I volunteered in the classroom (managed to get Isabella’s hair presentable in two pigtails with some rubber bands from the teacher’s desk so she wouldn’t look like an Amazon Child) and then left to visit with Cameron for 15 minutes at Ray & Trudy’s and then go teach Kindermusik and then have lunch and then go TRY to teach Kindermusik again which I stopped 15 minutes early because the kids were being IMPOSSIBLE and then I had to SCRAMBLE to get Cameron picked up and get to school by 2:25 to pick up all the kids. We had to run home so Isabella could change for gymnastics and I could change for the gym and then we stopped at the library to return/pick-up books and drop off the carpool kids up the street in time for me to get to the gym by 3:30. The 1 hour walk/run on the treadmill helped!

Then…I SCRAMBLED to get Isabella to gymnastics by 5:00 and then to the grocery store with Alexander and Cameron and then home to start dinner and then back to gymnastics (only 6 minutes late) to pick up Isabella and then back home for dinner and now here I am.

OMG talk about reality slapping you in the face on a Monday morning. I still need to catch up on F******** sleep!!!