I have been feeling somewhat homesick lately. It comes and goes in little spurts.
It was September 11th yesterday and somehow it made me miss my homeland even more. There were no American Flags lining my streets. There was no one wearing patriotic clothing. I didn't see anyone with a reminder pin on. Nobody had bumper stickers or magnets on their cars about it. I didn't hear about any kind of memorial event. I didn't see it on every channel I watch on the television (granted I don't watch tv much because it's hard to wade through the multi-ethnic channels to something I can understand or want to watch).
I did see things on the computer when I turned it on though. I did get that familiar feeling of sadness mixed with anger mixed with pride for my country that happens around this time.
I have lived here for four weeks now. I am mostly surrounded by people of another culture, another faith. I live in a Muslim country. I am not scared and I don't feel hatred or anger towards the people here, which only adds to my anger at SOME of my own country's citizens for how they blindly treated all muslims following 9-11. I have felt mostly welcomed here and I have found people friendly here, in a different kind of way. Perhaps, polite is a better word.
As the days were leading up to 9-11, I started having some conflicting emotions. I wondered if I should leave my house. It wasn't out of fear, it was out of something else that I can't put my finger on. I think I wasn't sure how people would react to me. Would they shy from me? Do I look so American that I would remind them of something? Would they take pity? Would they turn their gaze?
It's not supposed to feel like any other day and somehow I knew that if I went out of my bubble here, it would.
My kids left to school in the morning and I left for the gym. Then I came home and did nothing else. I felt like I should be watching a documentary, I should be reminded somehow.
But, like all Americans - no matter where we are. We will never forget.